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Every girl in Nairobi proclaims she is not the ‘trip-trip’ girl; a reference from the movie Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, in which Harvey asks women to insist that men open the car door for them instead of simply flicking an electronic button.
Every girl in Nairobi proclaims she is not the ‘trip-trip’ girl; a reference from the movie Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, in which Harvey asks women to insist that men open the car door for them instead of simply flicking an electronic button.
Steve Harvey is one among many male relationship gurus. Men are now the new relationship experts, and every book by a man on relationships is sure to hit the New York Times bestseller list.
It started with Greg Bernherdt with He Is Just Not That Into You, a clarion call for women to stop making excuses for men. Then came Steve Harvey, then Hill Harper with The Conversation, and recently the R ‘n B singer Tyrese who has co-penned a bestseller titled Manology.
On the surface, it makes a lot of sense: If you want to know what a man is thinking, ask a man, right? Ok, then. Is this to imply that all men are the same? Could this be this century’s biggest discovery?
If all men are the same, would that mean that we could all hypothetically apply the same theory to any man and come up with the same result? Are men that simple that one manual can decode all of them?
And why is it that so many women are running to men for advice? Lynette Nekesa, a 28-year-old procurement officer thinks men can give women insight to the male mind.
“A woman can never really tell why a man is doing what he is doing, but a man can. I generally go to men first for relationship advice and insight,” she says.
Cliff Mogere, a 32-year-old financial consultant, thinks that women are naturally hard-wired to defer to men. Women do everything to please men, so why shouldn’t they seek men out to find out how to make other men happy?
Looking out for themselves
We still live in an extremely patriarchal society and men are still seen as overlords, and many male relationship experts still preach that the answer to all a woman’s woes is more cooking, more sex and less lip. Women should cater to men if they want to be in great relationships.
On his Twitter feed, Tyrese dispenses some interesting advice on gender roles in the bedroom: ‘Ladies, it’s your job to go and get the wash rag after sex as we lay there and sleep.”
Many male relationship experts seem to believe the problem always is with the woman. Men think we should understand how they work and modify our behaviour accordingly. Harvey, for example, says men cheat because women let them.
This begs the question, if women are to blame for every bad choice men make, why should men even bother to show up in a relationship? So is it possible that men look out for their own, and don’t always necessarily offer advice that is in a woman’s best interest? To this, Lynette says, “I look for advice from men I know I can trust – men with valuable insight mostly from experience.”
I put these questions to Maurice Matheka, a trained sexologist and a relationship counsellor. Matheka believes that men just give better advice as their advice is ‘based on practicality not emotion’. According to him, his being a man offering women advice is just a happy coincidence and his gender has nothing to do with the advice he gives.
He examines human behaviour, not male behaviour. Another oft quoted source locally is Dr. Chris Hart. During our conversation he does point out that he is a trained psychologist and in as much as he is a man, his advice is never tempered by that.
It is my job to help people understand the motivation behind their behaviour. My advice comes from a mix of experience and statistics. My biases never creep into the advice I give.”
It is my job to help people understand the motivation behind their behaviour. My advice comes from a mix of experience and statistics. My biases never creep into the advice I give.”
Being male, it is difficult to understand the extreme predicament being a woman can be. Harvey for example, asks women to lower their standards when picking partners. So if you are a CEO and the cleaner tries to holler, by all means, agree. It is interesting to note that men are always told to seek out the best. Double standards, much?..
Hope it served the purpose..
C..
Hope it served the purpose..
C..
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